Sucha long time since i blogged .  Mum came back to accompany us( sis & me) for 10 days as Dad went to China to do something important!
I can say , we spend these 10 days well. We surprise mum by cooking her fav dishes before she went back the next day :( 
Sigh , i miss her so much. I wish time could pass faster , so that we can move in to our own house asap. 
Seriously , i hate to stay at this fucking place! Bitch slammed doors and banged stuffs to show her unhappiness to us.I just wished that someday she’ll know that banging and slamming things doesn’t resolve things. Shall not talk about those unhappiness stuff anymore , which will make me tear everytime i think about it. 

It's The Month Of April Already .... Which means I'll be starting school sooon! NOT WORKING = NO MONEY :< Sist birthday is coming ♥ 
Got my pay but not much actually. Went for facial yesterday. Spend $110. Went to Tangs after that, bought products from Dior which cost $160. 
Met mum somewhere near our house, we went home tgt with sis ♥ 
She's going back after she had dinner with us.

                                                                      

Was it just me from the start, that's why i'm like this now?
Maybe i shouldn't have said  " i wouldn't patch with you after this break up "
I was too confidence with my words, now, i'm doubting myself so much, so much that i don't know what i'm up too. i'm lost, but then again, i don't know what i can do about it.
so what if i can't accept the fact that you went with someone, it's not i want to have doubts, but i'm still worried.
You may just tell me " it's a fling " but so what? What if one day you were the one getting so hurt, who will be there to pull you up.
Even if i were to be the one making the first move to pull you up, will you even grab my hand, even as a friend?
You said, " i hope we can be like before, sharing things and talk about everything "  Now i'm worried, if i can do it. I can't take the fact of what i saw, it's so painful, but do you know the feeling that i'm going through?
You can tell me, i fling with others too, you can say, you didn't even give a comment about what i did in the past, you felt the pain too. But did i do it infront of you, so openly? i don't remember doing it. 
I believe in karma(s),
So now this is my karma. i got back in return of what i did to you in the past. 
This guilt never left me, since 2years ago, until today. i'm still feeling it. until, now, i'm worried of lying to you, YES, YOU. i never lie ever again.
But it seems like, you never trust me again, even as a friend.
You may said you do, but you know deep down if you do.
So what if i've moved on or let go of you. the feeling never left, it's 2years2months, it's been 2 freaking years. we were together for so long, how on earth am i going to let this feeling go. Was it me who didn't want let this feeling go, or was it just so hard to fade away?
I said before i didn't want to find back the feeling i have for you, but i know deep down i still feel for you. But, eventually, i still when to seek for the feeling, now i got it back. But, to the truth, i can't do anything.
I'm losing control, i'm lost, i'm drained out, i'm tired. I lost all battles. 
Tell me if you love me, tell me if you don't.
I need an answer, from you. but you never know. 
I'm waiting for one day, you really understand what i'm feeling.
Waiting for the day, i could sit down with you under one blk, talking about everything like we used too. I don't want to avoid you, neither do i want to give you cold shoulders, but right now, i don't have a choice. 
Someone told me this " both of you the bond are so strong that even until now you 2 still feel for each other. 
I smiled to myself, to my mind, to my heart. maybe i should be happy that this bond is so strong.  Thank god for this.
Maybe it's really time for me to go. 
I'm going to try, i don't know how long i need, but this is only way out now. 
You know, i still love you. everyone else know it too.

Sometimes, we know how it feels like when we couldn't get an answer to certain questions which we really want to know so badly. But on another hand, some people who don't wish to let you know the answer, is not because they want to hide from you, but because they also know what is P-A-I-N therefore, they left it unsaid. Go ahead and call them names, but at times, we know what's good and what's bad.
Everyone wants to say the truth, but we all know most truth hurts. If you can't take the truth, why ask for the truth? People always think that, if you say the truth, is better than lying, than why don't you ask the other party why they lie?
Then you'll defend again, you do already why are you scared to admit, if you don't want to tell the truth why do it?
The arguments has no ending, everyone has different story to defend themselves, is whether you want to accept minor parts of the story before it leads to ugly conclusion, or you want to continue arguing till you're happy?
Everyone lie before, it's not that they won't want to admit it, but it's because they know at times lying is the best way to keep good things going.
Whereas the truth is only going to spoil a whole lot of good things. That's why there's always a saying, " somethings are better left unsaid. " whether we like it or not, we have to do it. Do you think people who lie feel good about it? No right, give them some freedom of lying for some purpose, lying is not always about bad stuff, it's all in your mind about how you look at the things they lied about.

People always say, they don't love you, but actually they do, ain't that a lie?
People always say, they don't have time for friends, but actually they do, ain't that a lie?
People always say, they don't miss you, but actually they do, ain't that a lie?
People always say, they want to move on, but they can't, ain't that a lie?
People always say, they don't care, but actually they do, ain't that a lie?

Look, human nature that they can't accept the fact that one lies, but we never think about why they would lie. 
And why they rather lie and left it unsaid, than to tell the truth about everything and anything. 
Everyone of us know that, we need to keep things unsaid sometimes, because of some unwanted arguments unwanted sadness.
Every couples, both party surely lie before. 
Every couples, both party have every reason of why they kept things from the other half. 
Don't be selfish to push the full blame to one only just because you felt the pain, the other party don't feel good either.
Leave with the fact that, good things are not always good to be said, ignorance is bliss. 
Knowing too much won't make you any better or won't make you feel any better.
Some people, when they know the truth, they would say, " i rather not know "
When they don't know the truth, they would say " i just want to know, it will make me feel better "
Com'on, don't be stupid, if you want to know, than don't complain about " i rather don't know " when the fact is you kept wanting to know everything. Get over and done with, somethings we'll never know the truth. 
Every breakup, everyone give 101 excuses, you'll never know which is truth. 
It may all be lies, but go on with it, they have their reasons for all this. you'll never know it, maybe till the later part in life. 
Eventually you'll understand, because one day, you'll be like those who choose to lie and left things unsaid than to tell you every truth that hurts so badly. 

" We live life in a way of unsaid words to defend different feelings, on one hand, but on the other, we don't always feel good about it, but we know this is what we need to do "

Never bring your past to the future,

Life ain't as complicated as what people usually thinks, life is simple, we, human beings made it complicated on our own. sometimes, things are only on the surface, but we tend to think about it way deeper then it could even be, thats when things starts to change.
As we grow, our mindset change, our thinking cap change, our life change, we experience more things, therefore we always think too much, too much that we tend to make ourselves more upset then before.
Some people kept hanging onto the past, hanging onto the fact of how much they love a person, but they never understand, that the more we love, the more we got to go, the more we love, the more we have to fall back then to trip into the hole. Love ain't about possessions, but its about knowing the process of loving someone could be a happy thing, seeing a person could be enough, & being able to give blessings when they meet someone of their own.
If we, kept wanting a person so badly, you'll realised, happiness never comes to you, while others gain plenty of happiness that you'll never never ever have it. If you're not ready to move on, not ready to take up the challenge, then don't complain about all the pains that you're going through, don't complain about all the hardship you need to face.This is all the process of getting hurt by yourself. No one hurts you more then yourself. no one could make you happier then yourself. 
How others treat you, it doesn't gives you any right to treat the next person like this, don't be stupid to even bring your past to the future. Memories never leave, if you keep hoping by thinking of the memories for something good to happen, then sad to say, it'll never come by. This is reality, Face it. Live with it. Go with it. Nothing goes our way everything, we got to fit in with the flow at times to find our own route.